Odd Food—The Game Birds: An Introduction

     Unfortunately and unfairly, the game bird is taken as odd food by many, as we live in a four meat world: beef, chicken, pork and seafood. From a practical standpoint I think it’s fair to say that bacon is a fifth meat; although technically pork, it’s not “pork” any more than beer is a staple grain. I know too many Jewish people who don't care where Yahweh thinks bacon comes from, and are fully prepared to have their house caved in, family wiped out, and live destitute and covered in boils if he really wants to gets uppity about it.

      I do feel compelled to make an observation about the aforementioned list just in case the point went unnoticed. I said beef and chicken, not the species B. taurus and poultry. Veal grosses a lot of people out ethically, and at the outside most people are willing to eat duck confit only if they’re really feeling adventurous. In America, it's white meat chicken, steak, and a distant third are pork and seafood, perhaps not in that order, and seafood being a very broad category at Red Lobster if you can still gag it down after eating ten pounds of cheesy rolls. 

     Quail is the smallest and most common of the game birds, and after duck, one of the most delicious. The other typical culinary members of that non-chicken and turkey category are pheasant, partridge, and the nearly unheard of Christmas goose. Personally, I’ve never seen one on a dinner table or known anyone to have eaten anything more exotic goose-wise than goose fat fries or foie gras, and they probably thought was duck anyway. The only entry that is bordering on common is the Cornish Game Hen, which is an almost imperceptibly gamey individual-sized chicken. Doesn’t count, and its ridiculously overpriced because it's "suburban quaint". Also, I’ve left out pigeon because it’s almost exclusively restaurant food. I dare you to find one that isn’t currently shitting on statues somewhere.

     So here they are from largest to smallest, approximately relative size to each other:

     Goose—Look, I don’t know what the fuck it tastes like any more than you do... I’ve offered several times to cook one at holidays, and everyone stares at me like I walked into my own surprise party while jerking off. I only get half a vote these days anyway at family gatherings because people know what what I eat and are already distrustful of novelty.  I’m sure it’s delicious though, and in the interest of not feeling like a douche, I will be cooking one soon.

 

     Duck—Rich, dark red meat with tasty duck fat. If you haven't eaten duck, you really, really haven't lived at all, and Peking Duck doesn't count. Two words: duck confit. It's like eating a plumped up magic leprechaun that's been slowly cooked in its pot of gold by the heat of the rainbow. You don't so much eat duck confit as have a flavor blackout and wake up the next morning willing to search at least one more day for real happiness and meaning in the otherwise nihilistic, shitty life you were planning on ending. Next topic. 

 

     Pheasant—Gamey, but surprisingly mild and similar to a free-range chicken. Unfortunately it's a little overpriced, but most of that has to do with the fact that it's a specialty item. It really shouldn't be. It's a slightly small alternative to chicken that will leave a family perfectly happy at dinner, and because it's a little gamey you can do so many things flavor-wise with more exotic ingredients like juniper berries and the like. It's a great way to introduce your kids to "either you can try a bite of that or starve face-down in your plate. After what you did to the carpet today, I don't really give a phlying pheasant phuck which one it is, either".

     Partridge—Rich, somewhat gamey purple meat. In my opinion, one of the very best, and absolutely beautiful. To me personally, it really is worth the money and just a lovely joy too cook in every stage from prep to fork. It takes many of the ingredients that work with pigeon or pheasant well, and brings a flavor of game bird that is sweet and delicious. 

     Quail—And now, the baby. It tastes very much like a small pheasant with slightly darker meat. They are tiny and generally consumed in twos and threes at a meal. The problem the quail faces is not obscurity so much as its little bones that tend to revolt Americans who are only used to eating them in bone-meal form at McDonalds. Although almost always bought frozen, their up-side is that usually there is very little prep work to be done since they are virtually hollow before packaged. I’m showing one of them below as typically bought, although—of course— they look like every other bird in their unprocessed state.

     In some ways its a real shame Americans largely abandon these more European staples, because in the grand scheme of things these birds are generally free-range, well-fed, easily renewable animals that could put a lot of social and economic pressure on shitty chicken practices if they found themselves semi-regularly onto the average dinner table.  The only people who really pay them much heed are hunters, but in reality it’s a very small percentage. Also, winging birds with pellet shot has the downside of occasionally cracking a tooth because you missed one. 

     So there. That is a simple introduction to the scope of the following pieces, and we will begin next with Part 2—Quail.

Arts and Culture, Food: The Game Birds—The Quail

Arts and Culture, Food: The Game Birds—An Introduction

Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—Escargot

Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—The Oxtail

Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—My Fridge Full of Crap

Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—The Compost Bin

Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—Pig Trotter pt. 3

Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—Pig Trotter pt. 2  

Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—Pig Trotter pt. 1

Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—Squid Ink
 Arts and Culture, Food: Odd Food—The Octopus